It makes me sick.

The breast vs formula debate makes me sick.

If you know me you know how hard it has been for me to breast feed. I suffered through mastitis, clogged ducts, thrush, a baby who couldn't latch, open sores on my nipples, and so much more. I did it because it is what I wanted, almost needed. So I suffered through. I'm not going to lie. I thought about quitting multiple times a day. There were days I think I cried more than my baby because I couldn't breastfeed. Breastfeeding almost gave me postpartum depression.

But I still cringe every single time I hear the phrase "Breast is best". Best for who? That's a hurtful, ignorant statement. Do you know how hard it is to try to feed your newborn 12 hours a day while your breast are engorged, painful to the touch, and you feel like you are going to die from the flu? Because a new mom with mastitis does. Do you know what it's like to try to find a balanced diet when you can't eat soy or dairy? What about the feeling of letting your child down if you accidentally ingest dairy and your baby screams in pain for hours because her body can't tolerate milk protein? How about the feeling of failure if you try everything you can but you just can't produce enough milk?

Do you know how it feels?

Then I'm politely asking you to shut the fuck up. If you don't know how it feels then you can't say that breast is best.

I'm all for breastfeeding. It has so many wonderful benefits. I'm glad I stuck with it. I plan on breastfeeding for another year. But just because it is right for me does not mean it is the best thing for everyone.

As mothers I think we should support one another. We should be there for each other when one of us is having problems breast feeding and we should be there for each other when we're panicking because our baby's formula has been recalled and we're worried they're going to get sick.

This isn't about YOU. It's about our children. And our children will be okay whether we feed them breast milk or formula.

The Mama Machine: I'm Not That Mom

Here's a great post by the Mama Machine on motherhood:

The Mama Machine: I'm Not That Mom: "I'm not that mom. . . . who tells her children they can't touch the piano simply because they can't 'play a song' yet. (I'm the kind of mom..."

I wish I had known...

This is somewhat of a spin off of my previous post. Some friends and I were talking about things we wish we had known before having a baby:

Don't listen to all the advise people give you! Every baby is different so what worked for them, just might not work for you.

Gerber clothes run really small.

Gripe water is much cheaper at an Asian market.

Leave the tags on most of your clothes and don't wash them. You never know what is going to work out. Keep receipts and tags so you can return things.

Keep boxes! If something doesn't work you can return it. Plus, it ups the resale value on CraigsList or at Once Upon A Child.

If you are having problems breast feeding see a lactation consultant ASAP. Don't wait or try to figure it out on your own.

It took me a few months to feel like myself again.

Follow your baby's cues. Don't turn to a method right away.

It's okay to ask for help.

Most babies only want to be awake for 1-2 hours at a time.

Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with.

Don't feel like you have to keep everything that people buy you. I'm sure they would rather you exchange it for something you can use then have it sit around and collect dust.

You can't spoil a newborn.

Infants are developmentally unable to self sooth until at minimum 6 months.

Some babies are difficult. Just because you have a difficult baby doesn't mean you're a bad mom.

Your husband is your equal partner and your childs parent. He us not a babysitter.

A lot of parenting is trial and error. Just keep trying things until you stumble upon something that works.

Limit the number of visitors and how long they stay.

Garage sales are awesome for finding inexpensive baby stuff.

The hospital snot suckers are terrible. Get a Nose Frida.

If you feel yourself becoming frustrated with a screaming baby take a step back and breathe. You can't hear your baby crying from the shower. If it becomes too much, don't ever be afraid to ask for help.

Nursing bra pads and nipple cream are your new best friend. Find the biggest bra pads you can. You will leak. It will soak through your bra and shirt.

Do your research. Yes, there are many ways of doing things but some are safer than others. Just because someone says, "I do it and we've had no problems" doesn't mean it's okay. There are warnings out there for a reason.

Don't buy a bunch of newborn things until after baby is here. You could never need them or you could use them for months.

You will have a hormone crash. Accept it.

If you get the opportunity to stay an extra night in the hospital, take it.

Breastfeeding is HARD! It's difficult and it's painful. Pair that with your hormone crash and it is a recipe for disaster. If you really want to do it, stick with it. It will get better! If you end up quitting, don't feel guilty for your decision.

Tucks pads are awesome.

You will bleed the first time you get up. My god, the amount of blood.

It's normal to feel alone in the beginning.

Take home extra pads, disposable undies, and the peri bottle from the hospital. The pads are so much better than store bought ones and the undies can just get thrown away. The hospital has to trash them if you don't take them with you.

Don't rock your baby to sleep every night!! Put them down drowsy no matter how sweet and precious they look. Teaching them how to self soothe will keep you from lots of looooong nights in the future.

It is ok to ask anyone and everyone to wash their hands before holding the baby. If they get sick, YOU are the one who has to help them and deal with them.

Don't hesitate to call the Dr. That is what they are there for. I seriously called the nurses line once a week for the first two months. They were always nice, and in the end it gave me a peace of mind! They are used to new mom's!

If you could...

go back to before you had your first child and tell yourself one thing, what would it be?

Here are some of my favorite responses from friends:

You are stronger than you think.

Having postpartum depression is not shameful. Ask for help!

You are about to become the woman you never knew you could be.

Your instincts are your best tool.

Drink the castor oil.

Never say never.

Sometimes things get worse before they get better but they do get better.

Take more pictures.

It's not as hard as some people make it out to be.

It's harder than some people say it is.

Stop planning for everything because it's all out the window.

You'll get through it.

You will make mistakes. She will love you anyway.

Relax and enjoy the ride.

Your life is about to change in ways you never thought possible.

Relax and enjoy the ride.

Giving birth is the easy part.

You will love your husband more than you ever thought possible when you see him holding your baby in his arms.

You will love her so much that it hurts.

It's okay to need a break.

You will abandon all dignity if it means getting a tiny smile out of your child. And it will be worth every second.

Eating Better

I've made a choice. I'm going to be strict on my grocery budget from here on out and eat exclusively natural foods (organic, non-GM foods, etc) whenever possible. We live in a dirty society. We may have adequate personal hygiene but our country is filthy. We spray pesticides on everything, inject growth hormones into our livestock, pump pollution into air and so on. We don't even know how to neutralize a lot of the chemicals we're producing. All of those toxins are absorbed by our food and then transferred to our babies through breast milk. Awesome, right?

A WWF study found 350 synthetic chemicals in breast milk including PCBs and alkylphenols (which mess with hormone production in even minuscule amounts). An Italian study showed that 88% of newborns have plasticizers in their bodies. One study found that breast milk from a mother with a conventional diet contains higher levels of dioxins than those permitted in pasteurized cow's milk. We don't know what we're doing to our bodies because nobody studies it. You can debate the ethics of purposefully infecting individuals with toxins that we all already infect ourselves with until you're blue in the face. It's ethical because we're all affected anyway or it's unethical because you can't purposefully infect someone with a known toxin. The only right answer in my opinion is to get rid of the chemicals! But since nobody elected me ruler of the universe I'll just try to be conscious and aware of what I'm eating and by proxy what I'm feeding LO.

I don't have piles and piles of money to build a nice EF house and wear only organic clothing that is easily sustainable but I'm trying. I'm doing what I can.

For those of you who don't have the time, energy, or access to natural foods to feed baby I suggest you check out Earth's Best baby food. They are made with organic ingredients, non-GM foods, and don't have additives. Plus, they're delicious.

Schedule: Day 4

We've got the nighttime thing down. Food, bath, diaper and PJ's, bottle, bed. He usually goes down relatively easily. At worst he stays up an extra 10-15 minutes then we repeat bottle, bed and he's out. I definitely think the routine is doing him good. He's starting to grasp the concept of going to sleep after eating and bathing. On a side note, the little bugger ate 4 oz of milk and 2 oz of solids tonight. Wow!

Naps aren't going quite as well. I think I need to spend more time paying attention to his natural schedule before I can try to get him to nap at the same time everyday. I'm going to do that next week then revise my scheduling aspirations. I also switched his first meal to right after he wakes up as opposed to before his nap. Naps are still too inconsistent to make that a plausible option.

* For the record I always give Baby T a bottle around 30-45 minutes before I give him solids. Solids supplement his breast milk diet. He's still far too young for solids to replace a meal. His bed time bottle is mostly a comfort thing now.

Schedule: Day 1

Now that I'm back in school I feel the need to get Baby T on some sort of schedule. At the very least I really think we should be going to bed before midnight. My kid is definitely not a napper. He usually only takes one nap a day in the afternoon. Since he just started solids we're going to do solids, diaper, bottle, nap around 1:00pm (hopefully). It worked amazingly well this afternoon but that could easily (and probably) be a fluke. We'll see what happens when we try it tonight (solids, bath, pjs', bottle, bed). I have a feeling night time won't go quite so well.

Poop.

I don't know what has been up with Baby T but he's been a terror the past few weeks. Some days he would cry for hours. and hours. and hours...

I think we've finally got it all figured out. He needs to poop more. I think he's scared of pooping or something. You wouldn't even believe how often I try to rationalize with him and convince him to poop. Since he won't poop on his own I'm helping things along. He gets a teensy bit of pear juice and probiotics every day. I know, I know. I'm sure you've heard me rant "I'm not going to feed him anything but breast milk until 6 months. Hell, if you keep bugging me about it I won't do it until he's a year! Don't you dare feed my baby a pickle!*"

But you can't be too set with anything if you have a baby. They almost always require that you change your plans for them. What we're doing seems to be working pretty well. We started it a few days ago and he has very happily pooped 3 times today (and it's only 5:00pm). He had been going several days and then being very, very upset when it finally decided to all come out.

So there you have it. An entire post about poop. Hah!

* Inside joke...

Car Seat Safety

Tonight I went to a car seat safety class put on by a program called Safe Kids in my county. I already knew most of what they went over but it was good to hear it nonetheless. In return for taking the class and giving a $20 donation I was given a convertible car seat for Baby T. The same car seat retails for $150! It was well worth 45 minutes of my time. I learned a lot in the class. For example,

Several studies done by The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration show that 82% of car seats and installed and used incorrectly.

I also got a really good piece of information. Your baby can outgrow his or her car seat without reaching the height or weight requirement. Baby T is a big boy. He's very tall but it is all in the torso. His head is about even with the top of his car seat. Even though he hasn't met the height or weight limits for his infant seat he needs to switch to a convertible for this reason. It isn't safe for children to be in an infant seat when their head is within 1 inch of the top of the hard plastic shell of the car seat. I had no idea that his car seat wasn't safe anymore. How could I?

So please, please, please look into a car seat safety class. Your baby's car seat can save his life. It's such an easy (and usually free) thing to do. Plus, you might get a very inexpensive car seat out of the deal!

For those of you in Fort Collins, check out the Safe Kids program:
http://www.safekidslcc.org/carseatresources.html They're hosting an event September 11th where they will check your car seat (or you can call the Fire Department to set up an appointment for them to check it).

Accidents

I was out shopping today with Baby T. I thought I saw a friend of mine leaving the store. I was walking towards her when I saw something terrible happen. She was carrying her 2 month old daughter in her car seat. She took a step and the baby slid out of the seat and hit the concrete. I was 15 feet away but I heard her hit the ground.

My friend had unstrapped her baby to tend to her while shopping. She placed her back in the seat but didn't strap her in because she was sleeping. She didn't want to wake her up. She forgot she wasn't strapped in when she left. She tilted the seat just a little bit while walking and her baby fell.

It was terrifying. The entire time all I could think about is whether her baby was okay. She is so small and delicate. There were half a dozen women there but nobody else knew what to do. How is that possible? If anyone should know what to do when a child is injured it should be mothers. The baby looked okay - even pupils, didn't lose consciousness, no vomiting, acting normal, no cuts, etc. We called an ambulance anyway.

It made me realize how quickly things can change. Children are so innocent and fragile. Sometimes it's hard to remember to think for two people (you + baby) instead of one. A simple slip of the mind can end in tragedy. So hug your babies tight and remember the little things.

Controversial Parenting (my specialty) and my response to the crib recall epidemic

I've been continually surprised at how confident I am with my parenting choices for Baby T, especially considering the fact that I've made some decisions that are far from mainstream (baby led weaning, delayed vaccinations, family bed, attachment parenting, etc). I acknowledge that just because something isn't common does not mean that it is unsafe. It helps that I have the best doctor ever who is supportive of my decisions. I think I'd be a lot more neurotic if it weren't for him.

And now, for what is quite possible my most controversial decision yet... I've decided to transition Baby T to the Montessori bed. While I like the family bed I don't think it's a good fit for C. Plus, two adults (one of whom likes to spread out and take over the entire bed - uh, sorry about that), one infant, and at least one cat is a lot to have in one queen size bed.

We've been trying to transition Baby T into his crib but he just does not seem fond of it. Occasionally he sleeps fine in there but most of the time he hates it. He'll scream before you even fully put him down. He is, however, quite fond of my bed and the twin in the nursery. More importantly, Baby T's crib is among those that have been recently recalled. So it's the perfect opportunity to try out the Montessori bed. It'll take some hardcore baby proofing in the next couple of months but that's okay.

I'm sure you're thinking I've lost my marbles and hey, maybe I have. It wouldn't be the first time and I'm sure it wouldn't be the last time. If it makes you feel better, I'm sending out for the kit to fix our crib. It will take several weeks to a couple of months to arrive. We'll keep the crib around until we know if the Montessori bed is going to work out after Baby T gets mobile.

Here's an amazing article about Montessori beds by Christie Stanford.

I love my doctor [--------------------] much

He isn't dismissive but he isn't paranoid either. Plus, he's cool with my hippie ways. He told me I'm doing everything right and that Thomas is perfect. That's just what I needed to hear. We chatted about the vaccination schedule that I picked. He thinks it's a good middle ground but that I should keep an open mind about it (if he doesn't do well he thinks I should try the original delayed vacs schedule but if he does well I might want to try the traditional schedule). We also talked about baby led weaning. My doctor had never heard of it before but he was really interested. He said it sounds like a great choice for some families. He even admitted he wished he'd heard of it with his last kid. See? I told you he's awesome.

I found out some very upsetting news at my appointment though. When Thomas was born the hospital gave him the Hepatitis B vaccine that I specifically told them NOT to give him. I even filled out paperwork to that effect. Still, when I was unconscious after they cut my baby out of me they did it anyway. They originally told me they don't even give the Hep B vaccine until the 2nd day of life. So why did they give it to my baby just minutes after he was born? I can't help but think it is because I opted out of it and that was their only opportunity.

In the grand scheme of things it's not a huge deal. He wasn't injured or scarred for life. I get that. But he was all alone when he was born. I wasn't there to comfort him. I trusted that they would do right by him and care for him but they violated that trust. I couldn't have made my wishes more clear. They didn't even tell C what they were doing (which is part of the reason I feel it may have been intentional).

You just... you don't mess with someones baby without their permission. Know what I mean? You just don't do it.

The Family Bed

This week my mom's group had a discussion on sleep. We all agreed that it what works for one kid might not work for another. It totally depends on the child and the family. While I'm a strong opponent of cry-it-out / Babywise / Ferberizing, etc. I think that each approach has some merit. We've primarily been doing the family bed. That's where you sleep with your baby in your bed. The baby is not in a co-sleeper. So, here's what I know and like about the family bed:

• Lower risk of SIDS. This is due to three things. First, family bed babies are more likely to sleep on their back or side than babies sleeping elsewhere. This in itself lowers the risk of SIDS. Second, mama and baby will sync their breathing up when in the family bed. This means that if baby stops breathing mom will naturally wake up to see what's wrong. Third, babies who sleep in the family bed breath better. Newborn babies who sleep outside of the family bed have relatively frequent dips in their breathing. Newborns who sleep in the family bed have few to no dips.
• Synced sleep patterns. Mom and baby will sync their sleeping patterns in the family bed. When baby stirs, mama stirs. Mama is naturally able to anticipate baby's needs and (usually) meet them without waking. You know what this means? I touch and feed Baby T when he needs me to without fully waking up. I get soooo much more rest.
• Better sleeping for both baby and mama. Since mama is more aware of baby's needs and baby's needs are address quickly both partners sleep for longer and more restful periods of time. When we do family bed Baby T falls immediately back to sleep after eating. When he's in his crib I don't hear him until he's upset and it takes 30-60 minutes to calm him back to sleep.
• Bonding. The more time you spend with your baby the more opportunities you have to bond. I love sleeping with Baby T. In the morning we cuddle for a few minutes before getting out of bed. He's always his happiest, smiling and cooing, during this time.

It's the end of the vaccination reprieve

Baby T was given a vaccine reprieve. His shots were rescheduled not once, not twice, but three times. The first two were my fault. First I took him to Las Vegas and then my appointment interfered with a play date. The most recent time was because my doctor was feeling under the weather and didn't want to risk getting Baby T sick (have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE my doctor?).

But that all comes to an end tomorrow. I opted out of the newborn one/s so this will be his first vaccine. He's already pretty ticked off about getting teeth. I'm a little weary of how he's going to be when he gets jabbed in the leg with a giant needle. He's gotten significantly louder at the whole screaming thing since we first brought him home.

Cry It Out: The Flipside

If you have a free minute you should read this. It's called "Just Let Her Cry" by Woman Uncensored. It sums up my feelings about letting a baby cry it out perfectly. I think it's cold, unfeeling, and frequently abusive. Just because you dress it up in a nice new name (ie: sleep training) does not change the fact that you are ignoring your child's needs by letting him or her cry it out. Why? Because it's night time? Does you child suddenly not have needs because it is no longer daytime?